Working through unpleasant feelings - Part Two

A post in honour of World Mental Health Day 10.10.20

Part 2 of my post on sitting through and resetting from unpleasant feelings. (Part One is here).

To recap, we can release the ‘grip’ of unpleasant feelings that sometimes gets stuck within us and flattens us for hours or days by using awareness and release. This helps to loosen this grip within minutes by tapping into our neurobiological response whilst experiencing them and riding out the waves. The feeling of Vulnerability, Embarrassment, Disappointment, Frustration - just like this described in yesterday’s post - are usually experienced as being unpleasant and negative. In this light, most of us reach for distractions to avoid or suppress them. To help work through them a simple body scan can help at the outset, but at a deeper level it is important to acknowledge that these feelings need not necessarily or inherently be bad or negative but simply unpleasant and uncomfortable.

Typically, avoidance of these feelings stem from the FEAR that if it starts it won’t stop, or that it will overwhelm us or that we will lose control. Our experiences of exercising emotional strength is directly tied to experiencing and moving through these unpleasant feelings. If we gave ourselves the chance, we might find that moving through this not only helps us reshape our fear around facing them but also, importantly, helps us develop greater confidence and emotional strength.

Coming back to that neurobiological response: what we feel emotionally is also experienced as a bodily or physical sensation. Neuroscience says the feeling triggers a biochemical rush that surges through us as bodily sensations such as a sinking feeling in the stomach or a slight headache or increased heart rate. It’s a sense of 'this doesn’t feel good’ and THAT is what we try to run away from and distract from (because we want to believe otherwise?). So this is where the point of distraction starts, and where to really start paying attention.

The solution starts with riding the wave of that biochemical rush. When it gets fired off it lasts for about 60-90 seconds and then subsides, but in avoiding it, we end up running for hours, days, weeks when all it takes is sitting through that wave for 60-90 seconds. Remember: Feelings are temporary. So when it gets fired in the brain, goes through our blood stream and dissipates that takes 60-90 seconds. Sit through it because they always subside.

The thing to note is that no matter how experienced you are or how evolved, a vital part of the human experience is that we ALL experience this. All of us. The difference is that after consistent practice you’ll feel more able to come back to centre and develop the capacity to take more in your stride. Eventually, you may even be able to untangle from old limiting life stories and feel the most comfortable in your own skin.

It can feel a bit scary to venture into the space, so practice bit by bit and reach out for help from an experienced and qualified practitioner if it feels like too much at once. Please remember you can reach out to me if you need to chat (just email me here); there are also many any other experienced mental health practitioners or support workers who can either help you directly or guide you to further support. If in Australia, you can always also reach out to other excellent sources of support such as Lifeline (13114) or Beyond Blue (1300 22 4636). If it is an emergency please call 000 straight away.

Go well.